Anxiety, Love & Jealousy

"Your time will come." This is the statement I hear from my mother, my friends, and inspirational quotes on social media. 

When will I get married? I feel like I have asked this question since I was 16 years old. Yes, 16 is a really young age to start thinking about marriage, but that was the age I fell in love for the first time. Sadly, that relationship did not last past the end of the school year, but me and that guy are still great friends. 

I am now 26-years-old, and have had multiple "loves of my life" since then.  Each person I fell in love with made me question if he was "the one."  They weren't. 

I was always under the impression that I would meet my person in college, or at work -- and by the age of 25 the latest. Many of my friends are married, engaged, and even have children.  I am not saying I would want to be a parent at 26, but finding someone -- shouldn't that have happened by now? 


Social media is a HUGE contributor to my constant thoughts of settling down.  You can't scroll Facebook or Instagram without seeing a post saying "I SAID YES" with a collage of photos of the ring and the couple embracing.  I want to like these photos because these people are my friends, but I am overcome with jealousy -- followed by self-destructive negative comments towards myself. 



I can't count the amount of times I have called myself ugly, or fat, or too damaged to date.  Who wants to be with a girl who may or may not have daddy issues because her father died when she was a kid? Who wants to be with a girl who suffers from anxiety and needs reassurance from time to time? MY response is ALWAYS "no one." 

Anxiety mixed with jealously is truly a lethal combination of thoughts. Anxiety mixed with any emotion is enough to make your head spin. 

Trust me, I know from experience.  When I like someone, I question EVERYTHING. I overthink things that I say. I re-read messages I send, and I have minor anxiety attacks when the person does not message me back. It's pathetic. It's borderline obsessive, and it is not how I want to come off to someone I really care about. 


Living with anxiety is like being a puppet to the puppet master. You have no control of your thoughts. As hard as you try to pull away, the puppet master is stronger. You want so much to sever the strings that prevent you from living your life. 

Long story short. It's hard to think about anything else besides something you THINK you did wrong. 

How do you overcome anxiety?